In The Realms of the Subconscious...
by Lil Miss Giggles
Summary: Buffy's subconscious is a tangled mess, as is her love-life with the help of The Powers That Be, can she sort it out? BTW again I have used Queen of Cups significant point about Angel&Angelus so I hope she likes it......please review


In the Realm of the Subconscious...  
  
Title - see above  
Rating - PG13 [b/c I like it!] - infrequent swearing and suggestions of violence.  
Distribution - read, like, take, have but plz ask first.  
Ownerhip - Joss [lucky sod] Whedon is God. I say no more on the matter.  
Feedback - or else...not sure what the "else" is yet but have no fears, I shall come up with one ;)  
  
  
Buffy's eyes snapped open for the third time that night. This was the third time she'd had this dream. She inhaled deeply, feeling the security of Riley's arm around her waist. Turning her head slightly, she could see him out the corner of her eye. He was alseep. Fluffing up her pillow, she shifted, careful not to wake him. She'd had enough, she was going to stay awake for the rest of the night. Sighing, she settled back down and fixed her eyes on the green glow of the alarm clock. 3:43 am. The hours would drag past slowly, but as the Slayer, she had the strength to...  
Buffy's eyelids grew heavy and slowly shut as the dark mists of sleep stole over her, burying her thoughts and digging deep into the tangles of her subconscious.  
  
##Again her eyes snapped open, then screwed shut again as they met the sting of the harsh light of day. She carefully opened them, allowing them to adapt to the intensity of the light. Looking around, Buffy saw Riley had gone, though the dead weight of his arm around her waist remained. Glancing down she noted she was no longer wearing her teddy-bear PJs but the clothes she usually wore for patrol. She stood in a clearing in a Forest. The trees stretched far towards the sky and the canopy reached out over her, blocking out most of the sunlight. Birds sang their annual Springtime melodies and they flitted about from branch to branch as she kept her eyes ahead of her and her legs found the path. As her journey progressed, the canopy above grew thinner and the songbirds' melodies morphed to that of fairground music. It was now broad daylight, not a tree in sight. Looking down, she noted that the grass had disappeared and had been replaced with sand. Vultures circled overhead but Buffy walked on, following the music.  
  
The music grew louder and the sand shifted as a cool breeze wrapped itself around her then continued its own journey. The grass returned and she found herself on a vast plain. only a handful of trees scattered across the grass - and a carousel. This was where the music came from. She watched as it turned and slowly came to a halt. Stepping towards it, she climbed aboard...then everything blacked out.  
  
Again she opened her eyes. The world was spinning around her. The fairground music filled her ears, but it had changed somehow. It was softer, taunting...  
Looking down, she examined the object she was sitting on. It was a carousel animal. A pink unicorn with a golden horn. It had blue eyes and a purple saddle, just like the one, "You adored as a child." The sudden realisation that she was not alone made Buffy's heart skip a beat. He had one arm around her waist whilst the other maintained a firm grip on the carousel pole. He was sitting on the unicorn - she was sitting on his knee. She turned to look at his face.   
*Angel*  
The pain and the heartbreak that had always been associated with him since he left came flooding back and the Slayer's voice stuck fast in her throat. Seating her on the neighbouring carousel animal - a winged hippo - the vampire leapt off the carousel and landed on the grass with his usual breathtaking grace,  
"Surprised?"  
Her brow furrowed in confusion as he spun a full circle, arms outstretched, the daylight causing his skin to look so much paler than ever. She shook her head slowly,  
"But, you're in LA."  
He shrugged and performed a small flip,  
"The City of Angels...what can I say? I got bored."  
Still she was no more enlightened than before,  
"But...but LA? Angel's Investigations?"  
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at her,  
"Y'know, you really shouldn't worry so much."  
Buffy stared at him,  
"But Wesley...and Cordelia..."  
She frowned, he wasn't talking right. He was different. He was too, "Not-broody?"  
He saw the look on her face,  
"This is a dream. Your dream. I can hear your thoughts."  
She realised the carousel had stopped its spinning and she climbed off, looking up at the vampire. His pale skin was such a wild contrast to his usual black attire. He gazed at her as grew slightly more serious,  
"All your emotions, wishes, hopes, and hey, even your dreams are all up here." He tapped his forehead, then tapped hers,  
"All your loves and your hates. All the secrets you keep so well hidden are all on a private exhibit for me."  
She stepped back a pace,  
"But that doesn't explain why you're here?"  
"Why am I here?" He repeated it slowly as if trying to figure out the answer for himself, "Why - am - I - here...good question. You're confused, Buffy. You're not focussed. Your heart is a tangled mess of emotions. You want something, but you don't know what. Since I left, you've refused to love one man at one time. You have lost the ability to love a man whole-heartedly."  
What he was saying made sense, but her mind wanted more. She needed him to be clearer,  
"But ,Angel, I - "  
He laughed and went game-face,  
"Angel? Why not Angelus? Why not both?"   
She blinked hard and suddenly he was behind her, she could feel the tension between the demon and soul. He continued,  
"Angel and Angelus are one and the same creature. Angel *is* responsible for his actions as a soulless vampire. The difference between your ex and your arch nemesis is a conscience and two extra letters."  
"You're talking as if they're not a part of you."  
"They aren't."  
"Then who are you?"  
"Me?" Backing away, he shrugged, almost apologetically, "I'm not even here."  
Then he was gone.##  
  
The clock shone 3:44am as the Slayer stirred in her sleep, Riley lying beside her, completely oblivious to his girlfriend's dream.  
  
In LA, Angel froze. Cordy looked at him puzzled, as did the vamp he had been about to dust. Cordelia stood, stake in hand,  
"Hello? Earth calling Angel, come in Angel."  
He looked at her, totally confused,  
"What?"  
She pointed to the vampire he held by the neck,  
"Vampire. Stake. Heart. Ashes. Comprendez?"  
He looked at the vamp, then dusted him. They left for home, Angel feeling hurt and confused, though he wasn't sure why.  
  
##She watched in desperation as he left. He didn't care. He was leaving her again and he didn't care. She reached out to him imploringly as he began to disappear, then sunk to her knees in defeat as she was alone once more. She stared in the direction he'd gone, and slowly closing her eyes, called after him, though her voice was no more than a whisper,  
"....Angel...?"  
"He's gone. I mean, let's face it, he wasn't exactly 'your type' now was he? Fangs and a bi-centennial aren't really the qualities you look for in a soulmate."  
Feeling the breeze disappear, Buffy opened her eyes. The glare of the bright, white lights overhead stung her eyes. She stood up, aware that she knew the voice yet she couldn't give it a face,  
"Really, and I suppose a guy'd know what a girl looks for in a man?"  
Her surroundings were pure white, there didn't appear to be a floor, walls or a ceiling, the lights were too bright to allow her to pinpoint the various features that her Slayer-senses knew were there. The 'disembodied' voice gave the signal, and the lights were toned down. She was in the Initiative - room 314 to be precise. Turning in the direction of the voice, she frowned slightly.   
"But this place was destroyed when we killed Adam. I watched it burn."  
Riley looked at her,  
"Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist."  
"That's where you're wrong. I saw the burnt remains only a couple of hours ago."  
"Okay, so maybe that was a stupid comeback but, hey, can't say I didn't try."  
"Here's guessing you're not Riley either. Just like Angel wasn't...well, Angel."  
He shrugged and began to pace the floor infront of her, then around her. She kept her gaze to the door and refused to look at him. She didn't like this dream. Her head was filled with slow-mo replays of her fight with Adam, and the battle they fought outside.  
"I don't get what you see in these guys." They were now walking infront of the cells. As he finished his sentence, they stopped infront of a cell holding a vampire. "They only think with their teeth and their libido, don't you agree?"  
She maintained her calm composure as she saw who was in the cell she forced a half-smile, "No. I don't."  
She stepped towards the transparent doors as Angelus threw himself at the doors trying to get out...or was it Angel? She blocked out Riley's voice as she recalled the vampire Dalton. One of Spike's lackeys. He had been good(ish) at heart - he'd spent most of his spare time reading Shakepeare and the like. Not out causing the mess that she had to clean up later. Her attention was immediately reverted back to Riley as he grabbed her elbow and spun her around to face him,  
"Buffy. Riley loves you with all of his strength - you must see that."  
" I do."  
"But you don't. You can't possibly."  
Her eyes flared,  
"And what is *that* supposed to mean?!"  
"You're not in love with Riley - not as much as you should be if you were right for eachother."  
"What? Who are you to tell me who I am and am not in love with? Right, that's it. Dream-time's over, I'm waking up and going on patrol. You *ever* invade my dreams again and I'll kick you till you bleed!"  
She went to go up the stairs that lead to the fraternity house, but stopped when he called after her,  
"See what I mean? If you were really in love with me you wouldn't be like that!"  
She stopped and spun around to face him,  
"What?! You really *are* Riley?!"  
"Yes. I surely am. And I'm probably having the same dream right about now."  
Turning back to the door, she stormed out. Her anger building till she got to the lift and screamed her fury to plain white walls.##  
  
Riley woke with a start. He glanced at the clock. 3:45am. Then he looked at Buffy. She was fast asleep, warm and snug under the quilt with his arm round her waist for protection. Unsure of whether the dream he'd just had meant anything, he slowly withdrew his arm, trying not to wake her. Turning his back to her, he settled back down and fell back asleep, attempting to forget the previous dream.  
  
##She looked at the mirror, her only exit from the Initiative,  
"Oh God...what have I done?"  
She felt completely helpless - what if he was right and Riley had been having the same dream. He'd have heard everything she just said. Suddenly filled with anger for letting herself say those things, she stepped back and kicked the mirror hard. As it shattered, so did her white surroundings. They fell to the floor, the only remains a shower of irridescent blue powder. A stake appeared in her hand and her Slayer-senses heightened as she realised she was not alone. Noting the fact that her company had no pulse, circulation, body-heat or soul. she began to walk away. Back to the dorm in college. She was not in the mood for patrol anymore.  
"You'll find nothing of interest in there, Pet."  
"Leave me alone - I don't need lectures on how to handle my love-life thankyou very much."  
He laughed softly,  
"That's what *you* think. You look at Commando and think 'I love him. He loves me. We're a happy family', but you don't and you're not." He almost sang that phrase. He probably would have done too if he hadn't have known that this was a dream and she couldn't hurt him. If she had ben awake, he'd be living in the big ash-tray in the sky by now. She turned and glared at him,  
"Why do you always succeed in winding me up?" He smurked and she continued through clenched teeth, "No. Don't answer that. I've had enough of you and your smart-ass remarks and comebacks. I want to be alone. Infact, y'know what? This jobs *sucks*! I hate it, always have done. Why me? Answer me that one oh-links-to-my-subconscious! What I would give to spend just one more day as an average girl in a normal world. No demons, no witchcraft, no Powers That Fucking Be! Since the first day these 'duties' were dumped on my shoulders, all I've wanted is to return to a normal life. To be blissfully unaware that my high-school was perched on top of the friggin' gates to Hell! To never have had to come here in the first place! To never have had to be expelled from Hemery because I set fire to the..to the.." She stopped mid-sentence when she saw the look of pure sympathy on the vampire's face. She dropped the stake as he approached and gave her a tissue to wipe away the tears that she hadn't even noticed were falling. She accepted it gratefully and managed a faint half-hearted smile as she looked up at him. The smile faded as she saw he was no longer Spike.##  
  
Spike sat up ramrod straight. Looking around he was relieved to see he was still in his crypt, not a Slayer in sight. But then he had doubts. Was it relief he felt, or disappointment? He looked at the empty bottle of alcohol beside his tomb and shook his head slowly,  
"I really need to lay off the Jack Daniels."  
Shaking his head to clear his mind, he rubbed his eyes and swung his legs over the side of the tomb. Standing up, he grabbed his coat and headed for the door,  
"Don't breathe but the fresh-air'll do me the world o'good."  
  
## He was no longer Spike and she was no longer in the cemetery.  
Giles walked in from the kitchen with two cups of tea. He sat down on the sofa beside her and handed her one. Sipping it delicately, he watched as she gulped hers,  
"Giles what am I doing here? What's going on?"  
He took another sip of his tea, then set it down on the coffee table,  
"It's quite simple really."  
"So fill me in on all of it's simplistic glory."  
"First things first - well done."  
"What for? For finding Angel on a carousel? Threatening to kick Riley till he bleeds? Bursting into tears infront of Spike? 'cause I don't see anything amazingly wonderful or heroic about all that."  
He nodded, knowingly,  
"Ah, well that's where the explanations come in. As your Watcher, I am supposed to guide you through the tough times and hope you come out the other side in one piece."  
She blinked. He smiled, slightly nervously,  
"That came out a bit too much in the literal sense...anyway, it has been brought to my attention that you have not been yourself lately, infact since Angel left - "  
"Spare me the lectures, he's already done his bit."  
"No, listen. I have been with you all the way through this dream, monitoring your reactions and the reactions of the others."  
"You mean you've been listening in on my entire dream?"  
"Exactly - only, in the protective sense."  
"There *is* no protective sense of 'listening in', Giles."  
He dismissed her remark with a wave of his hand,  
"To get to the point. I - that is, The Powers That Be - subjected you to the entities of these three men to monitor your responses when you discovered the truth about them."  
"The truth? What, they couldn't just tell me up-front or even on the phone? A letter would have been okay."  
"No, they couldn't. The fact is that one of these men hasn't fully discovered the truth for himself yet, let alone the ability to convey it to you."  
Something stirred in Buffy, and she took another gulp of her tea, welcoming the warmth.  
"So spill, who's the blissfully ignorant guy?"  
Then Willow appeared from the kitchen, also carrying a mug od hot tea,  
"You mean you haven't guessed?"  
Buffy was even more confused when Xander and Tara appeared from the kitchen, both with a cup of tea,  
"What're you guys doing here? and why've we all got tea?"  
Giles shrugged,  
"Well, we had to add *something* wierd into your dream...apart from the carousel. That was all your doing."  
Buffy sat back in the sofa, putting her tea on the floor,  
"So, I'm supposed to know which guy it is?"  
The Watcher nodded and she frowned slightly,  
"But he doesn't."  
"He doesn't - but he'll come around soon enough."  
"Right so - " She was cut off as she felt something prodding her shoulder and her name was called.  
*~Buffy?~*  
SHe turned to the others for answers, but Giles just shook his head,  
"Time to wake up."  
She stood, and in doing so, knocked over the tea, scalding her leg,  
"OW!"  
"Buffy, you okay?"  
She looked around. She was in Riley's room, sitting up in bed. He smiled at her,  
"Jeez, I thought you'd never wake up."  
  
Giles lay back on his bed and smiled faintly, he only hoped she'd figure it out before Spike did.  
  
Angel, sat at his desk. He knew the dream was real. She'd been there. She'd seen him. He wasn't the one for her.  
  
Spike lay back in his tomb, and pushed the skeleton, forcing it to move over. He had lump in his throat and a pang in his chest, round about where his heart was.  
  
Riley gazed after her sadly as Buffy left the room for class. He knew. The dream was real - it *had* meant something. He'd seen the look in her eyes as she kissed him goodbye. That familiar, loving glint had gone and he was left with the Slayer's glance. Predatory and unfeeling. He'd lost her. Lost her to a dream.  
  
On her way to class with Willow and Tara, Buffy stopped dead in her tracks. Something in her head had clicked,  
"Uh...tell the guys I'm gonna be late - important stuff to do...quickly...now, infact."  
Willow's brow furrowed in confusion,  
"But Buffy, your presentation - "  
Tara cut her off,  
"Can wait, Buffy has important things to do, d-d-don't you?"  
"Uh, yeah. Gotta go. Now."  
Willow took her books and watched as the Slayer sprinted down the corridor. The red-head smiled at her girlfriend,  
"Y'know, I thought she'd never work it out."  
  
  
  
  



End file.
